I dont know

I dont know wad Im doing,
I dont know where to go,
I dont know when Il be singing,
on my own show,
I dont know why Im like this,
Maybe madness is taking control,
But I think life's getting hopeless,
Yeah man Im on a high low,
Now Im thinking how to stop it,
Before I lose it completely,
Trying hard to avoid death's kiss,
Before things cant be changed permanently,
Bcoz theres too many things to do,
and i just cant afford to go,
its not bout me,
its the rest I care for,
my family's like this barren land,
Water I have to pour,
Coz for all they have done,
i owe them forever more,
Then this I would do,
for myself, just one,
going around the world,
helping everyone,
Spreading smiles,
priceless pearls,
But all this, is
taking too long to unfurl,
denying my bliss,
leaving me pissed,
even a little deranged,
coz this lack of purpose,
right now,
would leave even u insane,
the same way,
it gives me much pain
and songwriting,
is all i have that gets me away,
while singing gives me pleasure,
mesmerising in its own way, both
getting me through each day,
while the Lord,
man i got nothing to say,
He has been there for me,
even when i dint pray,
I know it would,
always stay that way,
He would never, go away,
Coz if he did, id be dead,
even after ive passed away,
wishing i dint exist,
wherever my soul would lay,
so i ask him, even among my,
mindless disarray,
that i would love Him,
as much as my heart may,
and keep the evil,
forever at bay.

Godlover

Insecurity

Ive got this little insecurity,
a nagging fear,
consuming me at times totally,
a little paranoid,
maybe its just my own mentality,
And i dono how to stop this,
scared it will turn to reality,
coz it isn an ordinary fear,
its not bout my life,
or my weeping tears,
its bout this gift i have,
rearranging letters,
n im scared i wont get any better,
il make it better known, of
wad i mean,
im scared il lose my poetry,
i know it sounds silly,
but just bear wif me,
it isn at all easy,
being me,
coz ive got too many things,
on my mind,
to be thinking free,
and this song writing is all i have,
its my only living spree, and
its the onli ting i wana be,
doing for the rest of my life,
besides singing,
songs that tell no lies,
so yeah u would see how,
important it is to me
the ability to heave emotions,
out of my chest,
putting it into words,
properly,
before the idea,
flees totally,
coz if i dont, i swear it would burst,
and id start to feel cursed,
feeling id rather be dead,
coz poetry, singing is where,
my happiness is made,
so i seek help from beyond,
The Lord, whom from all,
poetry was born,
i just ask Him to stay wif me,
forever more,
coz as long as He stays,
id keep up this lyrical show,
and my happiness,
would always flow,
oh yeah, and bout asking just,
one thing,
i was just kidding,
theres probably lots more to go.

Godover

Temptation

Man im scared all over again,
coz ive succumbed,
to the temptation, yet again
Since the start it began,
Ive resisted it, a few times,
but mostly ive just,
fallen right in,
this deep dark pit, it keeps
me down and pinned,
i wish i could resist it,
completely,
coz its the onli way,
i would be free,
of this guilt, this feeling, of
debuachery,
it kills me, to be weak like tis,
coz i aint exactly,
ordinary,
ive scaled peaks,
personal highs already,
Mainly coz the Big guy, up there
is always shining on me,
So whats bothering me u ask?
i ain telling you,
coz u would,
just laugh,
but let me tell u,
it isn funny to me,
coz i take my temptations,
seriously, and
i know, one day,
they will be overcome,
coz il keep fighting,
never giving up,
till that day comes,
and i suggest,
u guys out there,
do it too,
coz yielding to ur,
temptations,
ain tat good for you.

Godlover

The Moonwalker

The moonwalker's dead,
y did he have to go,
before he gave his last show,
coz even at 50,
he was still slick,
who would have thought,
he would die sick,
even though he is gone,
he will b remebered forever,
the enigmatic moonwalker,
incredible dancer, and
soul rendering singer,
in short,
the ultimate performer,
he might have had his faults,
i do not know,
but he will b remembered,
in our hearts,
for giving us his awesome,
lyrical shows,
not onli did he mesmorise,
but he gave inspiration,
to many, so much tat,
he was idolised, in
nations plenty,
There will be never,
another like him,
tats for sure,
coz his songs, were
emotionally pure,
tat they made many cry,
when heard,
even though now,
his reign is over,
and we have to say goodbye,
He will never be, forgotten,
he will live on,
coz legends dont fade away,
they dont die,they stay on,
Michael,
through his songs.

R.I.P Michael jackson, my inspiration, friend to many.

Godlover

Singaporeans

This is a new one man,
this is the real deal,
this is how u rap,
witout making people squeal,
theres no pretence, no twisting of truth,
its just the facts, straight
from from my mind,
so listen to this one,
its one of a kind,
coz its not bout my love issues,
its bout the country, i live in,
singapore's a beautiful place,
to take refuge in,
Then y do people,
complain all the time,
dissing bout this n that,
wasting their own lives,
coz if u reali hate the system,
go make a change,
dont wait for someone to start it,
just to escape the blame,
that doesn mean, the goverment,
aint lying,
power of the people,
i dont see that flag flying,
Democracy, veiled hypocrisy,
and goverment propaganda
coz we all know know, how
we are being pushed under,
And the opposition, weak
deprived of real power,
But let me ask you,
do u reali care?
All u people who question,
if this is fair,
u spout mere words,
coz what u put before ur ideals,
is paychecks first,
Face it, what singaporeans need,
is money,
give them enough of it,
and they will be happy,
world class security,
an added incentive,
that it encompasses the streets,
makes the goverment's arguement,
even persuasive, and
harder to beat,
coz come on, even i would agree,
to this deal,
freedom for security,
so think bout it before u speak,
u either make a change or
dont let words leak, and
sitting on the fence,
talking bout power abusers,
just makes u, another loser,
weak all around,
coz ur also accepting,
wad the goverment has done for u,
u foolish clown.

Godlover

Girls,never learn

I never wanted to break,
a heart,
But ever since my love departed,
I tink, i should start,
Coz it doesn pay,to be
innocent and true,
girls would only,
mock at you,
they say they love,
guys who would see them through,
Yet their hearts get broken, and
they realise it was,
never gona be true,
wen they hear his words,
to hell with you,
their eyes tear, and hearts
fill with pain,
which makes me wonder,
y do they fall, for
a player's game,over
and over again?
Because there are guys out there,
truth in their kisses,
always ready,to
grant a lady's wishes,
Yet these guys,
are hardly considered,
lack of sophistication,glamour
the reason,
now let me tell you
its these guys, who would never,
betray, commit treason,
being there for you,
through all four seasons,
So girls, those,
with or without,
a broken heart,
heed my words,
the simplest, pure,
don't depart.

Godlover

rapper's flaw

Thought this one up while i was in gp..for once i actually dint reali listen to Mr judian, coz i was trying to pen tis down. N i kinda felt guilty u know, coz he is the best teacher ive probably had, n i dint wana make him feel let down. But hey, penning down songs also aid ur language rite?. so i was in fact doing gp, but in my own way, the rapper way. Well u know how rappers tend to use abusive language? Well tis one is bout tat, n tis is how it goes

This one's for those,
who think they are cool,
those rappers,
who dont play,
by any rules,
This from a fan,
of ur music,
thorough and true,
Yet i still hate,
Some things u guys do,
Creating lyrical explosives,
in the name of poetry,
Good Lord, are u kidding me?
Cant you people, write
even one line,
absent of vulgarity?
Coz poetry is all bout,
the emotion, bursting out raw,
Stories of your life,experience,
the things you saw,
I dont mean to be,
overly critical, but ur,
trying too hard to be sensational,
and ur raps have a flaw,
its just a fusion, of
abuses and grandour,
so ditch that gangster attitude,
it aint working,
parents aren't comfortable,
with your abusing,
stick to simple words,
that make it sound good,
so that fans like me,
wont be dissing you,
for being too rude,
and parents,
caling you lyrical fools.

Godlover

beautiful girl

Today i wen for maths, and as usual, the whole process of it was boring, pointless n i was looking at my arms more tan i looked at the teacher. But he manages to b funny, though i dono whether he realises it himself, i mean he is always smiling, so no1 can reali tell if he is joking on purpose or not. He has tis weird way of saying Good Morning randomly, n i have no idea y, since he was explaining some crap bout trigo n it was 2 in the afternoon n all of a sudden the Good Morning just pops up. U would tink he was some human version of a rooster wif its sense of timing gone horribly off. Anyway besides tat the onli other ting tat was interesting was on the train. There was tis beautiful..oh god n i mean beautiful..girl..i dont know how old she was but im guessing the oldest she could b would b 22..n she was looking at me..ok its too hard to describe it normally, so here it goes,

I m not one,
of superficial desire,
but for once, wen i saw her,
my heart set on fire,
it dint just burn, it reali ached,
that even now, memories,
of her eyes, still plague,
I wondered why, this was so,
coz ive nvr felt tis way, before,
I dint even wana kiss her,
just hold her tight,
n gaze at her beautiful eyes,
even through the darkest night,
i ached to speak, to make tis last,
coz she was staring at me too,
eyes quick n fast,
but i just couldn, lacked the nerve,
leaving me to wonder, is tis love,
at first sight?
I dont tink so, coz even now,
her memories of me,
must have faded,
long ago,
But i still do wonder,
wad it must have been,
coz there was a smile,
played on her lips, she
thinking it was unseen.

Godlover

Friendship song

Hmm kavitha asked me to post smth bout her, n it set me thinking, so i came up wif this, while i was actually supposed to b doing gp. well i tried. doing gp i mean. oh well, at least my mind did come back to earth at least for a brief moment by doing this, so that counts for smth rite?. Anyway, this isn just for her, its for all my friends, who have always been here. I will not forget any of you, i hope u feel the same way,about me too.
To kavitha,

Let me write you a song,
Its called friends,
forever long,
Because somethings can be,
left unsaid,
and years can intervene,
problems may develop,
even some words, obscene
But despite all that, We
would stick thick and true,
and i always know,
I have a shoulder to lean on,
in you..
So just a reminder,
id be there too,
whenever i can,
just for you,
So always keep smiling,
Dont waste time hating,
and regretting,
Coz this life, its worth,
so much more,
as long as there are,
people like you,
forever more.

Godlover

Beneath.

Its time for the pretence to drop,
i aint as strong as the hardest rock,
sometimes,i need to cry too,
coz i reali dont know wad my world,
is coming to,
I m surrounded, allies at every turn,
yet im alone, and i yearn,
for love, freedom and a way out,
of this life, this mockery im living
it gets so bad,
i wish i could b leaving, away
far from this misery, unrestricted, unbound
but i canot, my earthly bonds,
keep me chained,depressed
and ultimately drained, but i
cannot let the world see,
coz too many people believe in me,
so i turn my heart cold, to aid others,
young and old,
happiness, as their smiles enfold
coz if they saw the hurt,
they would despair,
smiles turned around, everywhere
And wad little happiness i have,
would come crashing down,
not even a bit to spare, so

Lord help me, i trust in you,
U have always pulled me through,
I cannot ask for more,
for wad You have done,
but im still human, ur human son
so help me Lord, show me the way,
I wan You to be wif me in everyway,
I love u Lord, You know that well,
But im falling,
and You know, how it was
the last time I fell,
i nearly heard, death's bell
Not tat i fear, i have seen death,
many times, tat i can give, It
whole new rhymes,
but its life i fear,
its hopelessness,
makes me tear,
so help me Lord, give me strength,
so I can do my time on earth,
wif renewed vigor.

Godlover

Frustrated

Shadows,they hide me,
from the rest,those
who i deem as pests,
to my solitude,my
way of life, that
sometimes, i feel like,
sticking them with knives
Forgive me for being,
so crude,but sometimes
no one, really gets
a clue, of how i feel,
even as i kneel,
begging, to be free,
of this bond, this boundary,
called family
I love them so, they do too
Yet why is it then, i
always bow, give in,
dont they realise,
im no longer
immature kin?
Almost 19 yrs of age, but i
dont have a say,
is this, truly
a parent's way?

Godlover

Yesterday was kinda fun. Went to meet gevanya and her friend, oh man her friend turned out to be so tall i felt like a pri sch kid, and that i reali reali need to get taller. We talked about lots of things, including some things about me that not many people know, though at one point of time they kind of freaked me out, by saying they were a couple. And i felt so awkward, like ok so what m i doing here invading their privacy. But of course, after i got over that and started thinking, i knew they were just pulling my leg, so i played along too. And yeah just as i thought, before they left, they did tell me they weren a couple so yeah i dint feel as stupid as i thought i should feel. After that was pretty free, since i still had time for sch, so i went to bugis, spent time window shopping and went to national library to read. Dint finish the book and as usual couldn borrow it since i owe the library over $60 worth of fines. Hmm it could be more of course, but then again i dont reali want to find out. Anyway, there were these 2 couple of guys there laughing like manics, and for some reason i felt irritated. Weird u know,coz i dont reali get irritated easily. In fact, even if a bomb went off il b like, woah a bomb, ok now which page am i at again?. Maybe im going through some sort of post puberty thing, or maybe not. Well after that i dragged myself to sch, was reali tired and my eyes were all bloodshot. But it was worth it coz the new history teacher is amazing. Like reali, the guy is my next favourite teacher after Mr judian. So much better than Al dizon, and i actually dint day dream bout astroids the size of godzilla hitting earth.
Hmm this is getting too long, well il cut it short, on my way home with vicky i walked from one end to the train to the other, just for the fun of it, and i also saw this gay guy rite in front of me. Im not against gays or anything, coz i have very good gay frens, but this guy was dressed weird, even wearing lipstick. Oh well i guess people are different, and who m i to judge him, i dont even know him. Moral of this story, dont judge a book by its cover and girls = evil. im joking bout the last 1,..or maybe not.hahaha

Godlover

Woke up pretty early at 10 plus today( yes i m well aware 10 plus is considered late to most of the world,too bad i ain most of the world). Was supposed to go to class at 8.30, but i was feeling reali tired, and my wisdom tooth hurt for the 1st time in my life, thereby letting me know it actually exist. After this relevation, i proceeded to do 300 crunches, n left for school dressed in all black. U know for some reason people stare at me when i wear all black, n i dont reali get it. Coz batman is freaking white, dresses in all black n doesn even get noticed by people. But im brown, n i dress in all black n people end up staring at me like im some zoological exhibition. Well apart from that the train ride was pretty boring, though school was much better. Actually it was knowing that i passed both my lit n his papers that made it better, but i still dont know how to tell my aunts that i failed my maths n econs though, not when they paid so much for me to be in MDIS. Its times like these that one feels like running away, or simply not existing. Wish i would manipulate reality,i mean come on i do that all the time in my dreams,would it hurt God to let me do that in real life too?. Actually He doesn even have to let me do it, He can do it himself on my behalf. R u listening up there old man?. i know u know, but i cant help it,i need to let it all out sometimes too. Do u know what i reali wana do?..i wana help people, i wana see them smile, i wana make them happy, i wana sing, rap ,write songs, and let the world listen. Does all this seem too much?.. of course im always open to the other option of living in the wild like tarzan indian version.

Godlover

Today was reali reali boring..i dont even know why i bother to go for maths lessons,when i clearly hate it. Spent the hrs just looking at the teacher blankly, he is the only reason i come to class, he is kinda cute in a old grandpa pls sit down kind of way. Dont wana offend him by not turning up, and it isn that bad once u turn off ur mind and observe every1 around you. It also makes u feel less guilty, coz then u realise no1 else is listening to him either. Doesn kill the boredom completely though. To make it worse, somehow my forehead had a scratch, well not reali a scratch,more like the skin tore off. Spent about an hr trying to stop the bleeding until enrique, javier and cynthia gave sound advice to just leave it alone. It worked. N i felt stupider for trying so hard. To top this off, im having a headache n i feel reali reali sick. In fact my head feels like a helium balloon floating around in a space shuttle going at 20000km/hr towards mars. Hope the dam thing doesn crash.

Godlover

beginnings

hmm ok this is the first time im blogging so i dont reali know how to start..ok now that ive got that out,lets start. Life has been quite boring in past few months, due to the fact that ive been cooped out at home worse than chickens having fertility problems. School is actually turning out to be something i look forward to, though to be honest i think im screwing up my studies again. Which brings about the question which haunts me time and time again, what do i wana do in life?, where am i heading?. And time and time again i get the same answer, music, i wana sing, rap, write songs. But then the other question brings me back to reality, coz i ain doing anyting bout my life, just wasting it away. I guess i do need education to back me up in any career i would choose, but i wish my aunts would just let me do music full time, it would be more productive than the half life im living now. Sometimes i wish i could just be free of all bonds, and live a life in the wild, at least there you know you either eat or get eaten.

Godlover